I am a member of a private on-line group that conducts open discussions on lifestyle topics. Lately, we have been addressing double standards and stereotypes in the lifestyle. Many I have brought up myself and I will touch on a few here. The biggest stereotype I have found is that women are expected to be Bi and men are expected to be straight. Bi men are almost ostracized from LS activities. Personally, I do not care and have found that Bi male lovers are some of the best. I have many female friends who will not go near a Bi male. (I hate to imagine what they would do if they found out that many of the Bi men in the LS are closeted for fear of rejection.) I bet most women have been with more than one Bi male and do not even know it. If we are practicing safe sex,like we say we are, then what is the issue? Certainly many of these women have participated in the very act (receiving of anal sex), that makes them frown upon Bi males in the first place. Again this is just my two cents. To me, it is like ruling out a whole race of people because of their skin color. Why rule out a male, who just may be the best lover of your life? Get over the stereotype and give him a try. I know a couple where the woman is straight and the male is Bi. Imagine how many barriers they had to cross! Two wonderful and amazing people, who I am damn lucky to know. If I were prejudiced against Bi males, I never would have gotten to know these two.
This leads to women in the LS being expected to be Bi. So many couples refuse to play if the woman of the couple they are considering is not Bi. ?????? I joke that I am “Sometimes” Bi. I’ve been there and done that and will do it again but it is very rare. A whole year passed between the last two women I played with. I am picky and I need to know you are clean and I don’t always go down. Good thing I am not a man! I’m sorry, but at the end of the night, I need a man to finish me off. I believe that most couples start out looking for the “elusive unicorn”. They think they are going to find her and they will all 3 live happily ever after. I think this could happen but I have never seen it myself. As a single male you may have entertained the idea of dating a Bi female but I doubt it was a requirement. Why does this change? If you happened to find a Bi female to enter into a relationship with I bet you had visions of porn scenes being acted out in your head. Unless she was Bi and already in the LS, you had to have been let down a lot. Get over this Bi females only thing. Get out there and experience all that the LS has to offer. You never would have turned down a straight woman you picked up before you entered the LS, why do it now?
Single women in the LS get a lot of flack! I bet you don’t think about it but they do. Married or committed women quite often look down on them. Maybe we are jealous because they can do who they want and when they want without asking permission or discussing “the rules” with their spouse. I admit it I have been guilty of judging a few of these women myself. Lately I have heard more and more married or committed women saying they will not play with a guy because he played with a specific single woman. I am guilty of this as well and it made me question myself. I have ruled a guy out for several months, who was in my top 5, because he was with a single woman. My reasoning was she was a former friend who I know does not always practice safe sex. Let me just chalk it up to my stupidity. Let it be known that I did get over it and “under” him once again. I pride myself on not being judgmental or prejudice and yet here I was doing it. Most couples in the LS are looking for a single woman, but they don’t really want to share her or think she is getting around too much. Didn’t most, if not all of us have a few friends with benefits when we were single? I know I did. Why do we hold these women to a different level of standards than we hold married ones?
There are so many more stereotypes that I could touch on but you don’t have the time and I don’t have the space. Take a look at yourself and see where you might be able to re-evaluate where you stand on these issues. In hopes that we are not all so judgmental and can become more open and willing to venture outside of the norm
From Shanna T .