Cliquish

When we say cliquish in the swinger lifestyle what do we mean? Just the mentioning of the word cliquish can ruin the reputation of a club, group, and couple or incite disagreements in swinger discussions.

What does the word mean to you?  Well, the definition of cliquish is:  Befitting or characteristic of those who incline to social exclusiveness and who rebuff the advances of people considered inferior.  Those are strong words……Social Exclusiveness…..Rebuff….Inferior….No, not in the swinger lifestyle, there is no such thing! Some people think otherwise.

We spoke to a few newbie couples, and we asked them about their first club experiences. Here are some responses.

“It was like Hi, welcome to our club! Gave us a tour…..took our money, and that was the last we talked to anyone that night.  But if not for them, I would say that club was cliquish. ”

“Our first trip to a swinger club was great! Some people were in their own small groups, but we met a couple just as soon as we stepped in the door. I think it’s what you make it.”

Why would anyone be cliquish in the lifestyle?  Some swingers just like out hang out and interact with people they are comfortable with.  If you go to a club where most of the core members are not sociable people outside of the establishment, you shouldn’t really expect them to be newbie friendly.

We asked some vets about the scary word, here are a few responses.

“I’ve heard that title tossed around a lot and I can’t really say that I’ve ever encountered a “cliquish” group. I feel that some people’s expectation when they attend lifestyle event are extremely too damn high. Some come looking to meet there new bff an infiltrate a group on day one. They try too hard to impress the group leader or team only to end up looking really desperate. Most people that host event do so because they like the interaction they get from other people and want to get to know you. But getting to know someone is done in moderation. If you attend one event and walk away saying that a group is “cliquish” that says more about you than it does about the group.”

“Somewhat, Some people are just outing or sexy enough to brake in to the click, others just sit in the corner and bitch about the clicks.”

“Don’t think it’s cliquish but rather attraction… when is comes down to the people we play with we are selective. Some have mutual attraction some don’t… That’s life… I agree with Mark, people group together with common interest and attractions and welcome in others with those qualities… I would ask.. is there such a thing as Snobs in the LS?….. Yes ! Just like in vanilla land .. Who wants to hang with snobs anyway?”

“YES !!!! I could write a whole book …. over 11 years I have seen a lot”

“They are far from leaders or have any power in their real lives, so they make these cliques to feel like they have some kind of power.”

“Yes….It’s natural for people to hang people but they know and are comfortable with. A group can become cliquish when they not open to hanging out with new people, very picky on who they hang out with, or take on I am better than you type attitude. I just don’t understand why people can’t just fuck, have good time and go home. I that some people who led these cliques, don’t have type of clout or power in their vanilla lives.”

“I think it is natural for people to gravitate towards those who have similar likes and dislikes, interests, as well as those who they are comfortable with. I for one tend to be a bit reserved until I get to know someone and kind of see what they are about. I think cliques form naturally whether in the lifestyle or not. Problem comes in when people become mutually exclusive to a clique and it is more of an “us versus them” situation. In this life I feel it should be about meeting new people and having fun. Sure you will have cliques but I think it is important that these cliques overlap somewhat especially in a party setting. If not you end up with groups of people within the setting totally not be social and communicating leading to drama and animosity that really is even there sometimes. Also in cliques I find you have one or two ring leader(s) who has his/her finger on the other members trying to dictate when and who they should play with.”

As you can see just mentioning the word cliquish sparks controversy. Try to remember when going into new swinger clubs or new circles, that there is a clique in every club and every group. Don’t go into a club setting thinking everyone will gravitate to you because you’re hot.  Mingle a bit, find people who you may have chatted with online or have mutual friends with. The worst thing you can do at a swingers club is be an introvert.  So do what you set out to do…..let loose and have fun!